“From what stars have we dropped down

for one,

the other.”

One in a million, we were looking for just the right fit which meant looking at the numbers. Then we found each other. In an instant she became the source of inspiration for creative energies long waiting to be unleashed. When it came, it burst like a great dam spilling from it’s top. I wrote poetry for her, she wove my poems into her literary universe. Within weeks I had enough material to make a movie for her. She cried, and within days she made a Japanese Stitch bound book for me. She’d stitched together, on rice paper, our love story, now a beautiful book. Click HERE. I was in so much trouble, and knew it by page six of her book. What I didn’t know was the vast landscape of her genius. That would come with each passing day.

While in Kyoto three years later, I proposed to Patricia in three languages.

A year later we married, a Japanese wedding in a small Shinto Shrine. After the ceremony we gathered 50 stories up at the top of the Mori Museum building for the reception where my old friend Jim Reed commented: “Yea, I’ve been to all three of Toby’s weddings.” We burst out in laughter. But it was true, it took me this long to figure out the most important details. Previously, I hadn’t a clue.

Years before I met Patricia I met Alison Armstrong in one of her relationship workshops saying something like: Dating is like sorting through a deck of cards (looking for a keeper). When you see a red flag, flip to the next card.

I was initially offended by what seemed brutal relationship advice. Then, slowly I came to understand her thinking which I came to use while searching for my one in a million. We found each other, but it wasn’t quick or easy.

These are some of the things we learned that finally brought us together.

Alison Armstrong quotes:

“I began studying men when I realized I was bringing out the worst in them.”

"If you're interested in me then I can connect with you.

If I can connect with you, then I'm safe.

My connection is the source of my safety."

While true for women, it's true for any relationship.

Top things we should know about a relationship.

"When we're stuck in any part of our lives, our options are expanded by insight and new perspectives, skills and capacities. Assuming you're free to choose a new experience of yourself and your life...Start with imagining what you want it to be like, and notice what you're missing to get there."— Alison Armstrong